Meme: (Hetereosexual) Humans Are Headed To Mars, Perez Hilton Is a Father, and War Is a Heterosexual Hobby

The producers of ParaNorman are auctioning off a rare prop for the film to benefit Variety: The Children’s Charity of Southern California, a LGBT-friendly group made up of largely entertainment industry people dedicated to helping disabled, underprivileged and abused children.

Dennis Tito, millionaire space tourist, announced plans to launch a manned mission to mars in 2018. The mission will carry two people, and won’t actually land on the surface of Mars, but loop around the planet. A search for astronauts, preferably a couple past childbearing years, is underway for the 501 day mission, but gay and lesbian couples need not apply. Tito says that the first flight to Mars should be represented by both genders, besides, “you’re going to need someone you can hug.”

Ex Chicago bears quarterback Jim Miller says that religion will prohibit a gay player from being out on an NFL team. “There are some religions that are just not going to accept a gay individual in the locker room. So now, are you as an organization going to bring that element into your locker room and think everything is going to be OK? Last time I checked, whether it’s Christianity or Muslims or other religions that are out there, they’re just not going to accept it. They’re just not. It’s just not realistic for Mike Florio or any progressive or liberal to think that everything is going to be OK in the locker room and we should all just wise up and accept it.”

GLBT and HIV programs will be devastated when the sequester goes into effect this week. Cuts to ADAP alone could result in 7,400 people losing access to HIV drugs. As a person living with HIV, I know I depended on ADAP when I was unemployed three years ago, and would probably be dead without them, and the loss will be devastating to many.

Remember that list of 100 companies filing a brief with the Supreme Court to overturn DOMA that I mentioned yesterday? The final list is over 300 major corporations, who all cite it as just good business to believe in equality.

In news I wasn’t expecting, Perez Hilton has announced the birth of his first son.

Right on cue, One Million Moms is furious with Amazon for their gay twist advertisement for the Kindle Paperwhite. According to their pointless outrage, the spot has been running on shows such as American idol, permanently corrupting them. Jeff Bezos gave $2.5 million to support marriage equality in Washington, so I don’t think he really cares about their outrage.

New restrictions on boats in Hippy Hollow in Austin could threaten gay circuit event Splash in the summer. I used to go to First Splash/Last Splash back in my circuit party days, and always found it to be one of the more mellow, welcoming events, and the party boat trip Saturday afternoon out to clothing optional Hippy Hollow was a great break from dark ballrooms filled with pounding music.

Frank Rich is fairly cynical about the list of prominent Republicans who signed on to a brief to overturn DOMA. “The die is cast on this issue, and the signatories are belatedly getting ahead of history before it flattens them like a tank. Generational turnover alone assumes gay marriage will be a done deal in America; public opinion on this issue has moved faster than any civil-rights battle in our history.”

The DOD has issued an order that all units remove any block on GLBT websites that might be in place. While that might help blogs like Towleroad, others, like AMERICABlog were blocked based on politics, so it doesn’t really solve the problem.

A marriage equality bill has been introduced in Minnesota with bipartisan support, but it will be an uphill battle. The National Organization for Marriage has pledged $500,000 to defeat any Republican who supports the bill. Republican Branden Petersen, who has announced his support of the bill, shrugged off NOM’s threat. “Regardless of the amount, whether it’s $500,000 or $50 million, my vote is not going to bought either way. I’m going to do what’s right. If they want to throw away $500,000, then that’s their decision.”

Scientists have found that otters swimming in polluted water have smaller penises, which may translate to humans living in polluted areas, which is yet another reason to go green.

Morrissey thinks that straight males are responsible for war. “War, I thought, was the most negative aspect of male heterosexuality. If more men were homosexual, there would be no wars, because homosexual men would never kill other men, whereas heterosexual men love killing other men. They even get medals for it. Women don’t go to war to kill other women. Wars and armies and nuclear weapons are essentially heterosexual hobbies.”

 Yigit Pura says “Eat. More. Cake.” That probably won’t give you his abs though. Didn’t for me

 Colton Haynes seems to be finding his role on Arrow to be brutal

 But he cleans up well for the premiere of Bryan Singer’s Jack the Giant Slayer

 Does anyone want to challenge the cast of Southland to a game of basketball?

 We mentioned that Isaac Mizrahi is the guest designer for Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Justin Mikita‘s Tie the Knot spring collection, and here we have Jesse interviewing Issac about the collection, and why he got married, all as he lounges poolside reading the gayest issue of Entertainment Weekly ever produced. It’s pretty funny.

I’m a few days late, and lacking context since I watched this Oscars number in a sports bar with no sound, but here’s “We Saw Your Junk,” a prody of “We Saw Your Boobs” from Seth MacFarlane. If nothing else, it will help you load up your Netflix queue.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis have teamed up with the You Can Play Foundation to remind you that be it sports or music, if you can play, You Can Play.

This is an animated tribute to Steven Spielberg, and if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll find this woman and hire her immediately.

This is a hot ginger man cuddling with a wombat, and it’s shockingly adorable. Both of them.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 is headed to theaters this summer. I loved the first one, which had a ton of heart. As they return to their island, they discover sentient food has taken over, and they must stop it before it can invade the mainland. If you stay to the end, you get a fun bit with the monkey, played by Neil Patrick Harris.

Planes is a Disney (not Pixar) production that was meant as a spinoff from Cars to go direct to video, but now it has a theater date. I have to admit, I’m really not impressed, but Cars wasn’t my favorite movie from Pixar to start with. What do you think?